Sleepless dreams

September 30, 2010

Have you ever had that kind of night where you dream that you’re lying in bed awake?

You toss and turn, get up and drink water, go to the restroom, stare at the clock, adjust the shades, check your e-mails … but in reality all of that is really a dream.

You’re lying in bed, silent as a mime, eyelids shut tight, dreaming that you are awake.

How weird is that really? To be asleep yet think that you’re awake.

That’s like deluding yourself … why does the mind do that?

Is it because we train ourselves that way in our waking hours?

Think about it — we routinely lie to ourselves, we avoid situations we don’t want to deal with, we hear and see what we want to…

Even when facts point us in one direction, we opt to turn a blind eye.

Because the truth, sometimes, is too difficult to handle. Or it’s uncomfortable. Pushes us out of our comfort zone.

Like I don’t even want to think about what life would be like when I stop working a 9-5 job. It scares me. Even though I know I need to have a plan for the time I don’t have a desk job with benefits, I prefer to delay the planning … because it’s too much work.

The facts are that even though my job keeps me on my toes, it isn’t entirely fulfilling. Which job is, though?

Everyone I talk to likes certain aspects of their professional life … nobody says they love doing XYZ on a daily basis.

But if you could work on your own terms, do what you truly love, and do it only when you want to, then it wouldn’t be that mundane, right?

After quitting my job, I can see myself swimming, writing, cooking, gardening, writing, playing Angry Birds, exercising, sleeping, cooking, writing, socializing — in that order all over the course of a leisurely week.

No deadlines set by other people, no meetings to attend that I didn’t schedule, no worrying about cramming six different projects in five short days, no calculating how much vacation time I have left, no working through sick days…

Yeah, it seems appealing.

But I fear losing the security of a routine.

And so, I daydream.

Funny how that works, eh?

Daydream when you’re awake and dream that you’re up all night when you’re actually asleep.

pdthursdays 300x300 Sleepless dreams

Aah. Such is life.

This has been another one of those Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays posts — a blog carnival started by Duane Scott and adopted in earnest by yours truly. You can read some other pleasantly disturbed posts for this week, here.

16081BD1A60533E0F1173D28DE4F0D3F Sleepless dreams

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12 Responses to Sleepless dreams

  1. Duane ScottNo Gravatar on September 30, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    “we routinely lie to ourselves, we avoid situations we don’t want to deal with, we hear and see what we want to…”

    You nailed it.

    I wish I could write these pleasantly disturbed posts this beautiful. :)

    • Mansi BhatiaNo Gravatar on October 5, 2010 at 3:07 pm

      You do, too! You’ve inspired me to let my mind run rampant. What comes out is all credit to the freedom you’ve afforded my brain every week.

  2. JerryNo Gravatar on September 30, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    how true. it would take a while to adjust to not working 900 to 700. Take one look at my desk and lies are spread all over it….I lothe paperwork, bills, etc. but I love to write and read. The evidence that I have slept is the drool on the utility bill. Nice hard truthful thoughts.

    • Mansi BhatiaNo Gravatar on October 5, 2010 at 3:07 pm

      Heh. Love the drool imagery you painted, Jerry.

  3. DaveNo Gravatar on October 2, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    I often picture what it would be like if I was permanently on vacation, without a financial care in the world.

    I think I would be bored in a week or two.

    But it’s a nice fantasy when work’s got you down!

    • Mansi BhatiaNo Gravatar on October 5, 2010 at 3:39 pm

      I dream of being a travel writer — a perfect mix between a job and a vacation. Until that happens … the dreams sustain me :-)

  4. ronnieNo Gravatar on October 3, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    In a New York minute, baby! I’ll be 62 years old in a couple of months. I want to retire before I’m too old to enjoy it. I think it’s an age thing. The older you get the more been there, done that moments you experience. And yes, oh my gosh, you are so glad to have experienced them!!! But at some point, it’s time to return to your earlier, very-young-child existence. Not a care in the world. Bring on those experiences again. Well it will never be quite that good. But it’ll be a lot closer than the 8:00 to 5:00, Mon through Friday deal. Ideally, 20 stressless hours a week with full bennies. I might be able to do that till the day I die.

    • Mansi BhatiaNo Gravatar on October 5, 2010 at 3:37 pm

      I am sooooooooo looking forward to calling it quits and doing only what my heart beckons. Think I might be able to retire same time as you? ;-)

  5. Human DevelopmentNo Gravatar on October 4, 2010 at 9:08 am

    I am also one of them who hides them self and sticks within the comfort zone and really aware of the facts also that it’s time to change the personality fears and move on for something more in this life which is going not crazy but the boring ….

    • Mansi BhatiaNo Gravatar on October 5, 2010 at 3:37 pm

      Thanks for stopping by, Robin. Dreaming is important. What we do with those dreams … now that’s another discussion :)

  6. uttamgillNo Gravatar on October 4, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    dream sums up the dream…it’s wonderful to juxtapose the two world of our existence.

    • Mansi BhatiaNo Gravatar on October 5, 2010 at 3:30 pm

      Thanks, Uttam. Appreciate your stopping by and partaking in my dream (or shall I say wakeful?) state.


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