Marital rape — an oxymoron?

January 20, 2011

It took me three readings to realize that Vincent Augustine D’Souza wasn’t joking or being sarcastic in his post about marital rape being an oxymoron. He says:

A woman who does not want to have sex with her husband should separate from him and file for divorce.

And goes on to add that:

A woman has no right to say No to sex with her husband unless it is for some particular reason and for specific period like sickness, menstrual cycle, advanced stage of pregnancy or for a certain period after childbirth or sadness due to something like a death in the family or if the husband has a communicable or venereal disease which will result in woman getting the disease.

Really, Mr. D’Souza? And who, pray, determines that? Who gave you or people like you the authority to tell a woman when she may or may not agree to have sexual intercourse? maleneanderthalpullingfrm0 Marital rape    an oxymoron?

Whatever happened to a woman’s free will? Did you chain it, add weight and dunk it in the village well when she got married?

I shouldn’t be shocked at this patriarchal attitude but it boils my blood no less.

For people like Mr. D’Souza a woman is just like an inflatable doll who will do as she is told — inside the bedroom and outside it.

It is because of people like these, that marital rape will never be recognized as domestic abuse in countries like India.

After all, acknowledging that such a thing exists would put “husbands at risk!” Never mind the fact that a woman is being sexually prodded against her will over and over again.

Please give his blog post a read and if it leaves you agitated, do speak your mind.

16081BD1A60533E0F1173D28DE4F0D3F Marital rape    an oxymoron?

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13 Responses to Marital rape — an oxymoron?

  1. SidNo Gravatar on January 21, 2011 at 12:23 am

    I went through the said post and although I find the martial rape law a necessity, there is one point (maybe he jumbled up the post but still..) about the consenting sex between adult a serious issue.

    I mean, if a man and woman are having a mutual understanding issue, just because he is not ready to commit a marriage does not mean he has raped her right? Worst case it can be a case of 420, 421, fooling someone. Still its a different topic, he just mentioned it so voicing it.

    Again, I think the problem is not one particular said blogger, but the ideal thinking of people in India. People are surprised when me and my girlfriend share all our discussions together and help each other out. It is a outlook of looking towards woman needs a paradigm shift and the law should act as the catalyst of change.

  2. deepikaNo Gravatar on January 21, 2011 at 2:56 am

    In India, women ARE the nail under the men’s shoe. Human rights are abolished at every step in ndian marriges- yes. and its not gonna change unless women stand for themselves..

  3. KetanNo Gravatar on January 21, 2011 at 4:56 am

    I read the linked blog post. I think his perspective is a bit misogynist.

    However, there is also a margin for better communication here. Because, he has made allowances for women to decide when not to have sex, I believe by “refusing to have sex”, he was referring to “celibacy”. Because had he meant one-off refusals for having sex, then he would not have cited above instances.

    I personally feel, if one of the partners takes to celibacy, then indeed that is very unfair to the other partner. Also, divorce should not be seen as a punishment to the wife. Just like respecting the wife’s right to refuse to have sex on multiple occasions, a divorce would be consensual, right and the wife should respect it? Where is coercion or force involved in a divorce resulting our of differences that cannot be resolved?

    However, there is an entirely different angle to the whole issue. Yes, it is true that vast majority of (Indian) men tend to look at their wife as an object, without according her the respect due to a sovereign individual. But that is something that no law can help. In fact, from my understanding, all the laws that take a sympathetic view of the women and treat males as culprit “by default” are misused, because the truly aggrieved wives would usually be illiterate or financially dependent on the husband and too pressured by social conditions that they will not think of lodging FIR and getting into legal tangle, etc.

    I am no legal expert, but from little knowledge I have of forensic medicine aspect of Law, marital rape is not recognized as a crime, but it is not that “forceful sex without wife’s consent” is legally not punishable. It can be punished and would be included under domestic violence.

    The IPC and entire Judiciary take a very archaic view of marriage. In fact, all the laws related to grounds for divorce, adultery, etc. are based on the idea that marriage is for having sex and to produce children. Also, another view that is taken is that a man “owns” a wife. Now, this is indeed quite demeaning of women, but one of the ramifications of this view is that adultery is not punishable for women, whereas it is for men. Meaning, a wife can have sex with a person she is not married to and only the male adulterer would be punished legally, and the only action that can be taken against the wife is that this would become sufficient grounds for divorce and perhaps, without the husband having an obligation to pay alimony.

  4. Leeladhar KumarNo Gravatar on January 21, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Whenever I see such type of discussion on marital rape, I feel disturbed. I think Mr D’Souza is an aggreived peosonality. But I am unable to understand what Mansi wants. Marriage is a great institution being follwed by people from all over the world irrespective of caste, class or races. marriage works on the principle of agreement where both agree to look after each other. When we talk about marital rape then we talk only rape by husband, why? Is sex bad thing or only husband enjoys sex. Sex gives great pleasure to both husband and wife. If both are enjoying then where is rape. Its due to our social structure that women rarely initiate for sex. But now a days women are participating actively. There must be understanding between husband and wife to respect each others feelings. Sometimes husband may have urge due to any reason and wife may not be in mood then they must respect each others feelings. But due to our social structure and level of education specially among women there is problem in society. It does not mean that if husband not getting sex then he should divorce his wife or his wife should go to police and got her husband arrested only because her husband forced her due to strong urge. I admit that there are people who are drunkard or wicked character with whom no women can live, this problem must be dealt legally and here women must be liberated and same should be done in case of other side also. We cannot act like saints or can not follow rule book in totality. Male and female are having different mind and physical construction so there has to be difference in thought process and ideologies. If every body start punishing each other then what will happen to our society. We can not live in house but we can live in a country with corruption, maladministration, injustice (Aarushi case) etc. Here we can try to improve our education system so that it should have deeper reach and people should get correct education. So that every body will learn to respect each others ‘no’ and feelings. This way only we can be a great society, other wise you all can understand .. Sometimes I feel this as fight of ego.

  5. RESTLESSNo Gravatar on January 23, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    This was a much needed post. I didnt read the linked post, but I understand what you say. There was lady poet from South of India who wrote about marital rape very beautifully. I was inspired to write about this issue. Good that u brought it up.

    Emotional abuse was never an abuse until some 2-3 years back, but now it comes under the purview of Domestic Voilence Act. Some day marital rape would also be covered under it, am hopeful.

    I appreciate your views.

    take care


  6. Domestic ViolenceNo Gravatar on January 27, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Very nice information.

  7. Matangi MawleyNo Gravatar on January 28, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Interesting read… both yours and his…

    on his write-up… I don’t know if he’s actually writing out what he’s having in mind or he’s thinking he’s written what he’s had in mind but it turns out to be very different from… whatever!
    I sincerely do not understand what he means when he says-”I do not know any instance of a woman who has complained of rape by husband when she was less than 15 years old.”… What the Hell? 15 yrs is not WOMEN… it’s CHILD for earth’s sake! For some damned reason I’m not able to comment on his blog… ! fine.. he lists out all his bright reasons what all he thinks are valid reasons for women not consenting to have sex… wherever is ‘i just don’t feel like it’! i really pity his wife/wife-to-be!
    ya… abuse of law is there! but that’s no reason not to have a law! ‘human rights violation’ protection thing actually came into being to protect innocent accused being tortured by authorities! there’s not a single criminal who doesn’t use this act in his favour! so what now? cancel the act? remove that law?
    ya… it s a free country… he can say what he wants! but sometimes some people are assumed wise as long as their mouth is shut!

    on yours’: thanks thanks thanks a million times for voicing out! when i read the title- i was like ‘whatever’s this?’ but really- the way you had put in words exactly that what you’ve felt- the whole genuine thing about your writing kept me hooked to your space here!

    i hope you sort out your troubles with the one who copied your works too! never heard of such thing in blogsphere!

    really great space you’ve here!

  8. VyankateshNo Gravatar on March 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

    A bit late reading here.

    Wished to give the man my four cents after reading his blog post. Surprisingly, he has removed the comment hyperlink. That speaks for itself.

  9. Dhritiman SharmaNo Gravatar on June 21, 2011 at 9:33 am

    There’s nothing like marital rape. It is just a feminist cant, now turning as law. Govt should not listen to such stupid issues. If things like marital rape exists, then the sex with the consent of the wife must be termed as MARITAL PROSTITUTION.

  10. Making Life BetterNo Gravatar on July 14, 2011 at 2:37 am

    India is having very stringent law to deal with such crimes, but problem is most of the women are not aware of their rights.

  11. tikuliciousNo Gravatar on August 7, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    I will be taking this up as he needs to be told some basic things as far as respecting the dignity of a woman goes. I did a post on marital rape long back and hardly got any response. People are not yet ready to take up the issue and voice their thoughts. Women Not ready to say NO, Men not ready to see women as humans. will link your post to mine if you permit. Do revert. This is a link to my post.

    • MansiNo Gravatar on August 7, 2011 at 11:28 pm

      The more people that respond to such moronic statements, the better. Please feel free to link to my post!

  12. john thamesNo Gravatar on March 28, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Here we have another illustration of the female inability to think logically about anything. Marriage is a contract. The contract stipulates that if the husband agrees to give up sex with others his wife agrees to provide sex upon demand as the price of his fidelity. The contract imposes obligations on both parties, not just the man.

    Now here we have an idiot female who wants her logic both ways. To show how ridiculous the concept of spousal rape really is, imagine two prostitutes. Prostitute No.1 tells her customer: “I’ll take the money but I don’t feel like it right now. Come back in two weeks when I’m in the mood and I’ll give you what you have already paid for.” The customer snatches his money back and goes elsewhere. No one will pay the whore on such a basis. Whore No. 2 demands one-half of everything as the cost of her overpriced twat. She demands that her husband use her services exclusively. Then she says: “Take a rain check. I’m not in the mood.”

    The difference in the two whores is obvious. The man who goes to the honest businesswoman gets what he pays for; the man married to the spousal rape whore pays for what he does not get. This stupid feminist no doubt thinks the same way on other issues. She is entitled to make babies on the company’s time while someone else does the work; she is entitled to play five cunt hole general while somebody else does the fighting; she is entitled to vote although her worthless female ass was nowhere present at Valley Forge or Yorktown.

    She is God’s Chosen Sex – and need not think logically about anything.


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