I had never played Truth or Dare until last weekend when I installed the game’s app on my iPad.
We initially dismissed it as juvenile, but as the game progressed and more of us started opting to tell the truth, things became a lot more interesting.
From fun questions like “What’s your most embarrassing nickname?” to more serious queries like, “What do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?” the one-hour game ran the whole gamut of frivolity and gravity.
One of the most interesting questions I got was: “How do you select your friends?”
Took me a long time to come up with an answer about my process.
I haven’t had many friends in life…
When I was in school, everyone in my class was my friend, some were best friends, and then there were my BFFs.
But at that age, not outing one to the teacher determines loyalty and sharing lunch boxes is an indicator of true friendship.
My BFFs had a crush on the same Bollywood actor…how much more bonding can you ask for?
College allowed for an expanded exposition of the term.
Bunking classes together, car rides to movie theaters, lunching at the canteen perched on parked scooters, impromptu parties at home…the freedom from a structured school routine allowed for more interpersonal interaction with peers, which, in turn led to more sharing.
But what we shared were inconsequential things: ideas of ideal TDH (tall, dark, handsome) boyfriends, wedding day plans, naming unborn children, who’s seeing whom, who’s broken up with whom, excitement over tampons, waxing nightmares…
We didn’t talk about dreams and aspirations, life goals, careers, self-improvement, finding our identity or anything “serious.”
My writings gave voice to my deeper thoughts and that was deemed acceptable, but having real discussions about real issues? Who discusses that when they are 18?
In time I realized I had more acquaintances than friends.
I can count on one hand who they are; good friends have been harder to come by; and I have just one best friend.
I don’t mean to diss anyone, but for me friendship goes beyond sharing similar interest in movies and liking the same cuisine.
It means trusting someone to have your back; it means having a good give and take balance; it means conversations come easy and silent moments aren’t awkward; it means healthy debating; it means growing together intellectually and emotionally; it means having fun with zero dollars spent; it means forgiving and accepting; it means a meeting of the minds.
I don’t have a “set” process per se, but I know I have some expectations.
Perhaps I ask for too much when “selecting” friends; perhaps that’s why I don’t have many friends, and even fewer good ones.
But I believe that this is one case where quantity truly doesn’t matter.
Friendship isn’t a seasonal fad. And it certainly isn’t the number on your Facebook profile page.
It’s a lasting commitment that enriches two people’s lives.
So, how do you select friends?
I dare you to tell the truth.
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Mansi Bhatia
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true.. very true.. may be the twe-ple will read this and realize the importance of that one dear near friend
Thanks, Rishi
“It means trusting someone to have your back; it means having a good give and take balance; it means conversations come easy and silent moments aren’t awkward; it means healthy debating; it means growing together intellectually and emotionally; it means having fun with zero dollars spent; it means forgiving and accepting; it means a meeting of the minds.” – WOW!!!!!
You nailed it there. Over a period of time I have realized that I have so many acquaintances, but very few close friends. And since they don’t live close to me….I don’t get to spend much time with them in person. But they are always there for me when I need them…and we can have fun with ZERO dollars spent – a walk in the woods, a stroll by the beach, a conversation about a book….small things with them leaves me with a great feeling of satisfaction.
How I do choose friends? These days I simply don’t put in any effort
. Friendships like you describe above require time and effort, and a right opportunity for two people to click. I am open to new ones; at the same time, I am content with what I have 
.
Thanks, Shachi.
Most of us only ever have "acquaintances".
Here’s a possible litmus test for a real friend: To whom would you entrust custody of your minor kids if you and your spouse both died in a common casualty, IF you didn’t have a blood relative available?
Wow! That’s a strong test, Chip. I wonder how many people ever think of "real" friendship having to pass something like that…
friendship can start just with a smile… no set of thought process is required I guess
nostalgic post
Thanks, Rajlakshmi.
I pretty much am like you when it comes in selecting friends…and as you grow older it becomes harder and harder to make good friends…you are scared to show your true emotions and feelings..you tend to build a wall around you.
For me, my hubby is my best friend…had a very good friend while growing up but she has drifted away now…
We also become more, not less, judgmental as we grow older, making it harder for us to be open to a lot of "faults" in others.
I was never good at selecting friends or even finding one for life. You hear about people going through life with the same friend, even when they move far apart they keep in touch, visit each other on holiday’s etc… That is a rare and wonderful friendship
It truly is, Elizabeth. Thanks for stopping by.
I’m just like you. I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do, are awesome!
Loved this post. Gotta share it.
Thanks, Duane
Friendship has no set rules, like u said, agree to everything.
But the real test comes when one friend achieves something the other too yearns for… will they be jealous or will they be happy! I lost a friend recently who just wouldn’t talk to me when something similar happened, it hurts bad when u lose a friend, a good friend, and friends are hard to come by after school… I have 4 best friends, my 4 well wishers, my 4 critics… my dad, mom, bro and hubby… and I am theirs too, I am a loyal friend to many others but rarely do they reciprocate, well, too demanding??
Thanks! Appreciate your stopping by and sharing your insights.
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