According to you

May 28, 2010

I’ve been hearing this song play on the radio repeatedly for a week now, and while the tune’s catchy, I want you to take a moment to listen to the words.

Here is the audio file, if you can’t watch the video above.

The lyrics disappoint me. But I can’t fault the artist, for this is how many women live their lives.

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right.
According to you
I’m difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress,
can’t show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.According to you
I’m boring,
I’m moody,
you can’t take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I’m the girl with the worst attention span;
you’re the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

They define their identities from the perspective of the man in their life. And this becomes their acquired reality.

They don’t stop to question, or analyze. They don’t introspect.

They don’t even think they have the ability to frame their own opinion of who they are. They are what the man in their life tells them.

What saddens me more is that if they do end up meeting someone who appreciates their strengths and cherishes them, their self-image changes accordingly. Again, they are dependent on his viewpoint, seeing themselves through his lens.

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you.

Why do women need men to shape their self-perception?

Why do they need validation?

Why do they seek approval?

From teenagers to 60-year-olds, why can’t women feel empowered without the expressed opinion of a man?

Why do they have to have such frail self-esteems that they wilt like a neglected houseplant in a snap?

And why do we keep perpetuating this idea over and over, training little girls to believe, not in themselves, but in what their future boyfriends or huspowerful 11 According to youbands tell them?

What about according to me?

What about recognizing your own worth?

What about saying I am powerful, I am smart, I am intelligent and I don’t care what you think?

There is nothing wrong with a self-confident, ambitious woman who lives life on her own terms.

There is nothing wrong with loving your self. Knowing who you are. And recognizing that no one — man or woman — can take that away from you.

You are beautiful inside and out and you don’t need anyone to tell you that!
16081BD1A60533E0F1173D28DE4F0D3F According to you

dp seal trans 16x16 According to youCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Mansi Bhatia

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12 Responses to According to you

  1. Susan @ 2KoPNo Gravatar on May 28, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    I think you’re right — many women rely too much on men’s opinions and even change their looks, behavior and beliefs about themselves based on those opinions. My parents have been married for 50 years and my mother freaked out the other day when my dad told her that her haircut made her look old. I asked her if she liked her haircut and she said, yes, but maybe I should change it.

    My daughter, on the other hand, dresses strictly for herself — not boys, not me, not her girlfriends. At 18, she has the most finely honed sense of style I’ve ever seen because the only person she is interested in pleasing is herself. I could learn a lesson or two from her.

    BTW, visiting you from SheWrites.

    Two Kinds of People

    • MansiNo Gravatar on June 6, 2010 at 10:25 pm

      Thanks for visiting, Susan, and also for sharing your experiences. It’s good to know that going forward there is hope for some change and our girls will continue to gain even more confidence in their personal lives.

  2. NairobiNo Gravatar on May 28, 2010 at 8:37 pm


    I so agree with you gurl…We do tend to look out for answers in a man’s eyes….too bad isn’t it?
    But i feel things are changing. We don’t need attention to make ourselves feel beautiful or feel “approved” of. Liked how u ended this piece.
    Nairobi :)

    • MansiNo Gravatar on June 7, 2010 at 5:25 am

      Thanks, Nairobi.

  3. LisaNo Gravatar on May 30, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    I couldn’t agree more – I’m so tired of these shallow pop songs, I mean who writes these things? Then you’ve all these 9 and 10 year old girls who know every word. I make my girls turn the station when it comes on – and somehow, somewhere they still hear it enough to learn the words. Scary.

    • MansiNo Gravatar on June 6, 2010 at 10:28 pm

      Self-devaluating individuals write such things. It’s hard to keep one’s children from listening to this stuff, but hopefully we are raising the next generation in a way that allows them to understand and appreciate themselves for who they are without the need of constant validation. Thanks for stopping by, Lisa.

  4. lenaNo Gravatar on May 31, 2010 at 9:00 am

    That is indeed a beautiful post, Mansi. However I think it is in human nature (not women only) to seek approval of who we are and what we do. Starting from being kids, asking approval of parents, wanting them to be proud of us. As teenagers we want approval of our friends, want to fit in. When we grow up, we want approval of a loved one, want to be good enough for them. I do not say it is normal, but that is who we are. And even when I know I am great, powerful, amazing, beautiful, I want the person I love to say it out loud for me, to see he realizes how good I am and maybe even how lucky he is to have me :D

    • MansiNo Gravatar on June 6, 2010 at 10:30 pm

      True, Lena. We all seek approval, but what I take issue with is the need for women to get validation from the men in their lives for every little thing. It bothers me that our self-confidence is boosted or diminished by guys who themselves could do with some help!

  5. BillNo Gravatar on June 1, 2010 at 10:00 am

    Mansi, It goes way beyond just women, people in general care too much about what others have to say about them. We shouldn’t let the world define us, just as we shouldn’t define others. Love yourself & what others have to say won’t matter at all.



    • MansiNo Gravatar on June 6, 2010 at 10:31 pm

      Agree with you one hundred percent, Bill.

  6. Does it matter? | First Impressions on October 20, 2010 at 11:48 am

    […] I don’t base my self-perception on what I am according to you. […]

  7. BurnellNo Gravatar on July 29, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Who wrote the song I wanted to get the lyrics and present it in my women styudy class. I love this piece


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