I had never played Truth or Dare until last weekend when I installed the game’s app on my iPad.
We initially dismissed it as juvenile, but as the game progressed and more of us started opting to tell the truth, things became a lot more interesting.
From fun questions like “What’s your most embarrassing nickname?” to more serious queries like, “What do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?” the one-hour game ran the whole gamut of frivolity and gravity.
One of the most interesting questions I got was: “How do you select your friends?”
Took me a long time to come up with an answer about my process.
I haven’t had many friends in life…
When I was in school, everyone in my class was my friend, some were best friends, and then there were my BFFs.
But at that age, not outing one to the teacher determines loyalty and sharing lunch boxes is an indicator of true friendship.
My BFFs had a crush on the same Bollywood actor…how much more bonding can you ask for?
College allowed for an expanded exposition of the term.
Bunking classes together, car rides to movie theaters, lunching at the canteen perched on parked scooters, impromptu parties at home…the freedom from a structured school routine allowed for more interpersonal interaction with peers, which, in turn led to more sharing.
But what we shared were inconsequential things: ideas of ideal TDH (tall, dark, handsome) boyfriends, wedding day plans, naming unborn children, who’s seeing whom, who’s broken up with whom, excitement over tampons, waxing nightmares…
We didn’t talk about dreams and aspirations, life goals, careers, self-improvement, finding our identity or anything “serious.”
My writings gave voice to my deeper thoughts and that was deemed acceptable, but having real discussions about real issues? Who discusses that when they are 18?
In time I realized I had more acquaintances than friends.
I can count on one hand who they are; good friends have been harder to come by; and I have just one best friend.
I don’t mean to diss anyone, but for me friendship goes beyond sharing similar interest in movies and liking the same cuisine.
It means trusting someone to have your back; it means having a good give and take balance; it means conversations come easy and silent moments aren’t awkward; it means healthy debating; it means growing together intellectually and emotionally; it means having fun with zero dollars spent; it means forgiving and accepting; it means a meeting of the minds.
I don’t have a “set” process per se, but I know I have some expectations.
Perhaps I ask for too much when “selecting” friends; perhaps that’s why I don’t have many friends, and even fewer good ones.
But I believe that this is one case where quantity truly doesn’t matter.
Friendship isn’t a seasonal fad. And it certainly isn’t the number on your Facebook profile page.
It’s a lasting commitment that enriches two people’s lives.
So, how do you select friends?
I dare you to tell the truth.